Adultery, what a nasty word. It’s no wonder people don’t call it that, they refer to it as an affair of the heart, a fling, illicit love even an extramarital relationship, anything but adultery. How could it be wrong, after all everyone is doing it, aren’t they?

Well, I know of one person for sure who isn’t.

On the other hand, in the book “The Day America Told the Truth”, we are told that almost one-third or all married Americans have had or are now having an affair. Are Canadians really much different from Americans.

Jesus never minced words though, he was never backwards about coming forward. And so Jesus said, Matthew 5:27 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’

This Summer our theme was A Return to Civility, and we looked at the 10 Commandments, which had been a common code of morality for hundreds if not thousands of years. I speculated how society as a whole, seems to have moved away from that common moral code and had become less civil as a society. And the seventh commandment is where we are told to not commit adultery. It’s found in Exodus 20:14 “You must not commit adultery.

During the series, I realized that the 10 Commandments were intended for humanity as a whole, and Jesus had a higher standard for those who chose to follow him. That we are called to Civility and Beyond.

When we started this series, we learnt that Jesus came not to destroy the law but to fulfill it. Remember the Greek word that Christ used for fulfil literally means to level up, to finish or to cram full. And so, Jesus said that it wasn’t up to him to change even the smallest part of the law, instead he said he came to complete it.

The law that Christ was referring to was what the Jews called the law and the prophets, the same thing that we now call the Old Testament. The Old Testament laws were laid down for a nation to keep it from deteriorating into moral decay, and rotting away from the inside. These concepts were meant to hold the moral fabric of Israel together.

But Christ goes on to say that believers, Christian those who would follow Christ had a much higher calling than to simply obey the law and then he illustrates. The law says you shall not murder. That’s cool, in order for society not to destroy itself, it needs to respect life from conception to natural death. When we decide that life at any point on the timeline is any less or any more valuable than at any other point, then we are opening doors better left closed.

And while respect for life is a wonderful concept for society as a whole the believer is required to go a step further and along with not kill, they must not even hate. And that can only happen with the help of God.

And so Jesus continues in Matthew 5:27 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’

This second command comes from Exodus 20:14 and Deuteronomy 5:18. This is the second great principle of civilization. The first was the sanctity of life, the second is the sanctity of the family. The sin of adultery was considered so serious under Jewish law that the penalty was death, it’s laid down in the book of Leviticus 20:10 “If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.

 And that would certainly seem to put an end to the thought of possible reconciliation.

The law recognized what adultery does, it creates chaos and destroys the very foundation of the community. We all know that, don’t we? If you were a child in a family torn apart because of a cheating parent, you’d probably have an even greater appreciation for the law. The Bible actually placed murder and adultery side by side and yet today it is commonplace and even winked at.

Historian J.D. Unwin studied eighteen civilizations in an effort to best determine which facts accounted for their disintegration and his conclusion was this, “Every society has one of two choices, either sexual promiscuity and decline or sexual restraint and growth.”

Christians then, in order to act as salt for society, are to refrain from adulterous relationships. Does that surprise you? Probably not. As a matter of fact, under the law, everyone, believer, unbeliever, redeemed, unredeemed is supposed to refrain from adultery, to prevent the family unit and society as a whole from disintegration.

Let’s pull up a quote from an unlikely source, Jerry Springer said, “If you can’t be committed to another person, at least be committed to the concept of character and don’t cheat.” In other words, just be civil.

But again, Christ says that the Christian is to go beyond the limits of the law. The law says no adultery, Jesus says no lust. Listen to his words in Matthew 5:28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Ouch! by the way, it can also be read this way, Matthew 5:28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a man with lust has already committed adultery with him in her heart. Ladies, what is good for the goose is also good for the gander, so this one doesn’t just apply to your husbands and boyfriends.

1) It’s a Matter of the Eyes

If our society is to survive then our society will have to practice “You must not commit adultery”. Fair enough, but if we as Christians are to point our country toward God, then we need to not just practice the law we need to fulfil it and not even lust after someone who is not our spouse.

And if that wasn’t strict enough, Jesus says in Matthew 5:29–30 So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

Jesus goes from the action, which is adultery, to the thought of the action, which is lust. And then he goes to the sight or touch that provokes the thought.

Now let’s not confuse this teaching with Islamic law that uses this type of action as a punishment for sin. Jesus isn’t saying this is punishment instead he is saying it is prevention.

Now we all immediately jump up at his point and say, “But Jesus didn’t mean this literally, but figuratively. I mean after all Denn remember how gentle he was with the woman caught in adultery. Let’s keep in mind that we all have those natural urges and cravings.”

Well, be that as it may, it remains that the Christian is to go beyond the law in controlling their sex drive. And Christ tells us to amputate all occasions where we might fall down in this area.

I knew a gentleman who would not go to the beach because of his mental reaction to ladies in swimsuits. You say, “That boy’s got a problem,” maybe, but he dealt with it. You might say he gouged out his eye in this area by not going to the beach.

Maybe that’s not a problem for you. Maybe it’s what you’re watching on television or the internet.

It’s interesting to note that the television industry spends half their time trying to convince people that they aren’t influenced by television, and the other half of the time convincing advertisers that people are influenced by television, go figure?

Maybe it’s none of those situations, instead maybe it’s when you are with a specific person. And so, it may mean there are streaming services you don’t subscribe to, or that you install a filter on your internet browser or set up accountability software. Or it may mean staying away from a particular person.

And we said it before, but it bears repeating this doesn’t just apply to the men. Dirty dogs that they are but also to the ladies. God recognizes our sexual needs and desires, after all he created them. And he also created the framework in which they are to be exercised and that is called marriage.

Whenever you talk about this passage, you ultimately get into the tiresome quest of “what does it mean to look at a woman lustfully?” Is it ok to look at a woman like this? Ah, ok then is it ok to look at a woman like this?

I have discovered that people who debate how far you can go are usually looking for loopholes. Bottom line is that the Christ Follower can and must control their sexual drives, and not let their drives control them. Are you ok?

Now I’m sure that there are some folks who are sitting there thinking, “Don’t worry Denn, I’ve got it all under control.”

No, you don’t! Proverbs 6:27–28 Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet?

I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I will say it again. Sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay.

I’ve talked to people who have been unfaithful, and they said, “It just happened.” No, being rear-ended at a stop sign just happens. Slipping on a patch of black ice just happens. Adultery doesn’t just happen.

2) It’s a Matter of the Mind

Two ways to control our thought process, the first is to say, “I will not think about that.” And that is like not thinking about —. Everyone, close your eyes.

Come on, humour me, close your eyes. Now I want everyone to not think about pink and green elephants, don’t think about big pink elephants with green stripes.

Ok let’s not think about big flamingo pink elephants with Kelly green stripes. Don’t think of their long trunks swaying as they walk and their big ears flapping on the side of the heads. Don’t think about how much damage a big pink elephant could do as they tip toe through your garden. Get the picture?

The second way of course is to fill your mind with good thoughts, another literary question, how many people have read the book, watched the movie or seen the play of Peter Pan? Can you remember how to fly? Peter Pan told John that “You just think lovely wonderful thoughts and they lift you high in the air.”

There is a computer term that says, “Garbage in, garbage out” If you fill your mind with garbage why are you so surprised that your mind is full of garbage.

Do you need something a little more spiritual?

Then how about this, Philippians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

If you fill your minds with things that are true, honourable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy and I can almost guarantee you won’t have problems with lust.

Now if Christ hasn’t stirred up enough of a hornets nest listen to his next statement in Matthew 5:31 “You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’

3) It’s a Matter of the Heart

What Christ is quoting here is the only Old Testament regulation concerning divorce. And that is in Deuteronomy 24:1, and the primary function of that scripture was to say that if a divorce took place and a woman remarried, divorced the second man, then she could not return to the first man.

This ties in with the last statement that Christ made in that it also deals with the family. The Jewish law recognized that the marriage was both sacred and binding. The Rabbis said “The very altar sheds tears when a man divorces the wife of his youth” and the Prophet Malachi wrote in Malachi 2:16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”

Now that was fine in theory, but it didn’t work well in practice. One of the major problems of the time was that women weren’t viewed as people nearly as much as they were as things. And so, when a man didn’t want his wife anymore, he simply showed her the door. Well, you can well imagine the effect that this would have on society and so the law brought about a proper procedure to deal with the situation and again it was a law for unredeemed people.

Do you remember Deuteronomy 24:1 “Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house.

The big debate with the Jews was what was meant by the term “Does not please him”. The most conservative teachers said that it meant adultery, or he discovered that she wasn’t a virgin when they married. Others said that it meant that she made her husband unhappy in some ways. It could be that she couldn’t have children, that she was disobedient, that she was a nag or burnt dinner or that he had found someone that he preferred over her.

It was this second more liberal view that was held by most of the Jews at the time, at least most of the men. And so, if the wife displeased her husband, then he gave her a writ of divorce that said “Let this be from me your writ of divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation, that you may marry whatever man you wish.”

This was the law for society and remains so today, if you cannot live with your spouse and you aren’t a Christian, you don’t simply desert them; you go through the necessary actions, and paperwork and make it official. That is there to protect the institution of marriage, to provide a waiting period so to speak, to make it a little more difficult than simply walking away.

It's interesting that in many Islamic countries, a man can divorce his wife with a text message as long as the message is clear, then it wi valid under Islamic Sharia law.

As Christians we need to keep the law, but we are also required to go beyond it, to fulfil it. and so Christ states Matthew 5:32 But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.

And so, with those words Christ opened up the biggest cans of worms in church history. I would mention that this is addressed to men because under Jewish law women had absolutely no right to divorce, however today this stands for both men and women.

What this says is that the only acceptable reason for two Christians to divorce, and remember this is for two believers, is for adultery, and this permits remarriage. Now I know that not everybody agrees with me on this stand, and that’s not a major concern of mine because I’ve been disagreed with before.

Now before you get up and leave or sit there figuring out how to change my mind after the service, which by the way you can’t, hear me out.

I realize Matthew’s Gospel is the only place in the New Testament, which includes the adultery option. Some maintain that is because it wasn’t a part of the original text, but that becomes the cop out you use any time you disagree with the Bible. Others maintain that Christ was talking about the year of betrothal that the Jews observed.

Others, and I guess I’m in this camp, believe that the reason neither Mark nor Luke mention it is that in Jewish society, divorce wasn’t an option in the case of adultery. We need to remember is that adultery was a capital offence under Jewish law. You didn’t become a divorcee if your spouse cheated on you, instead, you became a widow or widower. There was less paperwork that way.

Lorretta Lynn must have taken that to heart because she once said, “My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find ’em, kill ’em.”

Actually, by the time of Jesus, Roman law had superseded the religious law and so when adultery happened, the marriage vows were considered to be nullified and that was that. And so, Mark and Luke didn’t even feel like it needed repeating.

In the Wesleyan Church, if a pastor cheats on their spouse, they lose their job and their credentials. The District Superintendent actually comes and physically removes your ordination certificate. We were in a discussion with Dr. Wilson one day about the process and Angela said, “If Denn ever cheated on me, you wouldn’t have to worry about making a special trip, you could pick up his credentials at the funeral.” She’d get along well with Lorretta.

I also believe that divorce that happens before a person accepts Christ is covered by His forgiveness. Divorce and adultery aren’t the unforgivable sin. If violating God’s perfect plan for our world excluded us from the Kingdom of Heaven, then none of us would qualify. We need to approach marriage as indissoluble, and with two people who are walking with God it will be indissoluble because neither one will commit adultery.

Jesus was, in effect, raising the bar for keeping a marriage together. Do I think a marriage should stay together where there is physical abuse? No. Severe emotional abuse? No. But I do think that in the church, divorce has become way too easy and that we need to raise the bar.

Listen up Divorce is usually a long-term solution to a short-term problem. There are all kinds of studies that show that in most cases it can and will get better if you work it through.

And so Jesus says, if you follow him, then it’s not enough to just be civil when it come to our eyes, our minds and our hearts.